She does her best to say yes to everything, even though her head is telling her to say no to everything. Every time she walks out those apartment doors, she questions her beauty, her personality and her ability to fit in. Statements of self-hate and shame constantly suffocate her mind. If you’re wondering, yes, the she is me.
I like coffee. The smell, the flavor and more importantly; I love the ritual. There’s something about a freshly brewed cup of coffee that makes me feel like I can take on more, and do it better. Then, I would finish that cup, have an anxious peak of sprinting alertness with a jittery and unproductive comedown. It would f*** up my sleep cycle, leaving me tired the next day. Unconsciously ordering up another cup to “bring me back to life.”
And that’s the thing. Depression is a silent disease, and the stigmas that society has placed on mental illness, relegate those who are suffering to silence. I am here to say that I am a person living with depression. And that is ok.
“Normal” was always something that I strived to be. It wasn’t a conscious goal, but more of a desire that sat deep within my subconscious mind. On the outside, I looked happy. But on the inside, I wanted to fit in; to be accepted and fully integrated into the more popular groups in school, to stand out on the athletic fields like so many of my other teammates and to feel like I was approaching (or even exceeding) society’s standards of what a young female “should be” accomplishing.
We all try to eat better, live smarter, love more, and be more present and engaged in our experiences. We want you to enjoy every simple, happy moment and feel confident that our products are protecting and improving your skin in the healthiest way possible.
“I’m so scared” I told them. Scared of what? I didn’t know exactly. Until I arrived and I realized exactly what I was afraid of: confronting my own mind and seeing myself bare, without the people I love and the things that define me. No decoration. No distraction. What would I find?
Wouldn’t it be nice if your doctor knew the basis of using certain herbs, or how to reduce inflammation in your body using food as medicine, or have the knowledge to discuss your exercise regimen with you? What if your doctor talked to you about the root cause of disease, rather than focus primarily on your symptoms and send you off with a “Band-Aid” drug as I like to call it? Wouldn’t you want to know about alternative options to drugs or perhaps lower doses of drugs used in conjunction with acupuncture for instance? How would you like it if your doctor spent time speaking to you about your healthy lifestyle habits and what you could do to prevent from getting ill in the first place?
I have spent over 20,000 dollars on reiki, rapid transformational therapy, online trainings, and many other things that were amazing, but I can truly say that the knowledge I learned from YouTube, the mental work I have done on myself, the movement in nature, the eating plants, and my darkness I have faced (the hardest thing I have ever done and still do), have changed my life the most.
I know what it's like to try every pre-workout, protein powder, and pill only to never achieve my goals and more importantly to never be truly healthy or happy. Let's go deeper...I know what it's like to lose loved ones to disease.
We invest in our education, we make personal contributions to high growth accounts, we are employed by companies that offer 401k matches, and we protect our money for when we are older. We do so much shit to “invest in our future” but the one thing that will actually deliver us to the days when we can truly enjoy our savings has become an afterthought.
As I began to heal and recover, I realized it was never about the food. It was about feeling emotions. This next chapter for me is helping people realize life is so juicy. We are lucky to have this spectrum of emotions, and I want to encourage everyone to embrace their emotions.
Not that I questioned meditation before doing this 5 week challenge but this last week really sold it for me. Being able to sit in the present moment and stay with the present moment giving myself grace and repeating my mantra's and setting those daily and weekly intentions. NAMA-FUCKING-STE!
I have learnt to let go of being so hard on myself for not being standardly ‘beautiful’. I have learnt to see the beauty in who I am, beyond that which my physical body represents. What makes a person truly beautiful? It is not in their appearance at all.
"When you eat animal products, they don't get fully digested and you end up with impacted intestines. This prevents the absorption of nutrients to the blood stream, especially oxygen. When your bloodstream is deprived of oxygen, it creates a breeding ground for cancer. Cancer cells cannot survive in an oxygenated state. It all starts with the intestines."
“Ayurveda in a nut shell is to avert the danger that has not yet come. Being in tune with your body and nature that when you start to feel the funk, you can adjust in a certain way that you avert the danger that has not yet appeared.”
“You can’t be an environmentalist and still eat meat… we put solar panels on our house, I drive an electric car… but none of these add up to anywhere near the energy reduction if you just stop eating meat.”
I say I love and admire animals but I don’t sit there picking apart the wrinkles on an elephant, the stripes of a tiger, the dry skin shed by a snake, the dirt on a pig. I just fucking love them and admire how they are who they are completely. Why can’t I just love you that way? For being an animal. Should I stop calling you a human and just call you an animal?
We are mortal beings. Life is not void of tragedy and unfortunately, we do not have tomorrow’s newspaper to confirm our existence. For me, mortality is the original motivator. I only have 73 years left to live. It’s not worth it for me to delay action, nor do I see the value in building someone else’s dream. Someone else’s house. I am meant to build my dream house.